Going There ....

NOTE: Today, I shared this in the health group I manage and quickly realized this is something to share with the world in hopes of reaching others who may feel hopeless. My health group is closed and private with 10 others that I'm close with. We share very personal aspects of our lives and so excuse some of the uber personal notes I hit but, as stated in the title, I just had to go there!

I'll start by saying that it's totally my time of month and I was skimming through photos from last year when I came across this and I'm just totally going to go there - right to the emotions  I don't recall this photo because I clearly wasn't comfortable sharing it on facebook or instagram. This was from last March, right before I began my beachbody journey. I probably weighed close to 180lbs and I'm 5"1'. I can honestly say that 80% of the time I was content. I settled for how I looked and there has never been anyone in my life who made me feel like I looked bad. Certainly, though, I had days where everything looked awful on me. I didn't bother with shopping. After a few outfits (and looking at sizes on tags) I automatically felt helpless and blah and would either cry for a moment or get the hell out of there as fast as I could, taking my frustration out the door with me. There was no motivation to find something for me that would help me lose weight. I just had this mentality of, this is you, be happy in your skin and onward I went with my day to day. It was completely accidental, well completely coincidental, that I entered the beachbody world via Instagram. I saw a post of a woman's beachbody transformation and I commented on her success. Turns out it wasn't the woman's account but the account of her coach who then encouraged me and became my coach for three months. I lost 20lbs in groups like this one (I've modeled this group after those challenge groups) within those three months and with the support of my coach. I still don't feel awesome all the time in certain clothes because of this wild tummy sack thing I have going that really limits what shirts I can wear and how pants fit but I've kept that weight off and maintained a 4 size pant size loss. I can't seem to do anything without LOTS of water whereas before I never even considered drinking water. Healthy and clean eating is a habit and any desserts or junk food (pizza, wings, bbq, etc) carry no guilt because I always balance those choices. If I can't balance them out, then I don't choose to steer that way. Workouts are a habit and I'm so excited Micah started up with me just over a month ago. One of the things that often stopped me from working out or eating well was Micah. HE wasn't stopping me but I was using him being home as an excuse to avoid doing what had to be done. Now we work on everything together. Clothing sizes don't bother me now. I've learned to love what fits right no matter the # on the tag. I guess I'm just glad I saved older pics even if I never "shared" them on social media. It's nice to run into your old self and know you've worked on making that smile a more genuine one right through present time *wipe tear* thanks for being here, every one of you. I didn't really know where to take my journey and was sort of hitting a wall when I decided to begin this group knowing many of you agreed to join in. ok group hug